what the holidays should be vs what they are

an authority figure in my life told me i needed counseling. i was 16, and the statement hit me like a slap in the face. the thought that something was wrong with me - something so wrong that everyone could see it, was very distressing. in my eyes, needing therapy was a sign of weakness. it meant … Continue reading no man an island. →

it took a long time for me to grieve. i had never really lost anything before. now all of a sudden i lost grip on my identity, my sanity, my relationship, and my future; all gone in an instant. at first i tried to do what i'm best at; barrel through all of my problems and pretend … Continue reading blessings and disguises. →

if depression is the entree, the symptoms are the sides. like with all illnesses, depression manifests differently depending on the individual. some have a few intense symptoms, some have a lot of mild symptoms, etc. no two people experience depression in the same way. it's silly that depression is referred to as a "mental" illness, … Continue reading entrees and side dishes. →

i used to use "selfish" and "self-centered" interchangeably. it was only once i was hit head on by mental illness that i began to notice the difference. selfish means you are the center of your own universe. the world happens to you, not around you. what happens to others is of no concern because you … Continue reading selfish (maybe). →

a year ago today i was severely depressed, borderline suicidal, isolated, and destructive. 6 months ago i was severely depressed. i was a broken, bleeding mess of a girl. i was a zombie. a hollow shell of a someone that i used to be. i talked to no one. i could't sleep without the aid … Continue reading juxtaposition. →

i haven't posted in awhile and for that i apologize. sort of. as any of you depressed people know, sometimes depression demands to take control. so lets talk. i got an emotional support animal on November 17th. it took months to find him and i've gotta say, it was worth the wait. the requirements we … Continue reading its been awhile. dog. →

as anyone with depression knows, it can be impossible to get up. not because you're necessarily tired all the time, but because the weight of the universe is pulling you down. sometimes it is physically impossible to move. as you can imagine, being a full-time student and being unable to leave my dorm was not … Continue reading unexpected help. →

i was beginning to feel hopeless about my situation until i read a book that really changed my perspective on depression. the book contained a series of activities - listing your resources, talking about certain moments in your life, etc. it viewed depression as a gift. i know, right? a gift? it sounds ridiculous but … Continue reading a signal. →

i’ve always thought suicide was weak. i thought it was cowardly and selfish. how could you do that to your parents? siblings? friends? people need you in their lives. you are loved whether you feel it or not. but then i became depressed. and slowly i understood why killing yourself feels like the only way … Continue reading the ugly truth. →